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Think of all of the ways a legal career can get off track: fail the bar exam, fail it again, get a negative performance appraisal, lose a major client, don’t make partner, botch a client matter, be professionally disciplined, become a defendant in a malpractice action. No matter who you are, what law school you went to, how sexy your practice area, how high-powered your firm, how winning your looks or your record, your career will experience an occasional blip, or even a devastating blow, at some point during its trajectory.
How you handle these setbacks may well impact a good portion of your life’s path. Learn to deal with adversity, whether caused by others or by your own inabilities. Then thrive anyway.
When the setback occurs, go ahead and experience all of the stages of grief as you bury the career you thought you were going to have. Of these stages, anger and depression are probably my personal favorites, but there are still more to choose from—denial and bargaining—before reaching the ideal last stage, acceptance. Let yourself feel angry for a while. Why not indulge in a cranky, foul mood every now and then? Or wallow, depressed, in the mire for a bit. It’s during these down times that you might be most contemplative. Think, and think hard, about your next steps.
Just be certain to channel your feelings in the right direction. Don’t destroy your office or yourself; get your best revenge by embarking on an even better career path, one more suited to your real needs and desires.
Denial might work for a bit as you pretend that your career, and possibly your entire life, aren’t as much of a mess as they are. Just don’t procrastinate to the point where even more negative implications are triggered. If you must bargain, try not to grovel so you’ll retain at least have some measure of self-esteem.
Don’t blame others. Learn how you could have handled whatever happened better; figure out how you might have taken steps to bring about a better result.
The quicker you get to real acceptance, the faster you’ll be able to move forward, to assess various paths you might not have previously considered. Be candid with yourself and make yourself better. Reject excuses, rationalizations, the universe’s inherent unfairness. Own your part in the mess, and take steps to prevent the problem’s recurrence. Seek help, whether in the form of additional education, professional guidance, or skills training. Research the setbacks of others, whether they are lawyers or not, and learn how they overcame their own obstacles.
Consider the possible outcomes now before you. What would be the best possible way to put this matter squarely behind you and to move forward and thrive?
Talk to people you can really trust about what happened (of course, while adhering to ethical rules), but remember that the people you can really trust might not be found in your firm’s office.
Take time, as you can, to get over the incident, to recover from its trauma, to heal. Remind yourself that whatever it is won’t feel like such a big deal in one year, five years, 10.
Think about how you’ll answer any questions about what happened, and remember to preserve your brand, your reputation, your integrity.
Learn to think of the experience as an opportunity to grow, to set yourself back on the right path, to make some hard changes that you might not otherwise have made. Don’t dwell on the past; learn from it.
Remember, always, that the setback has made room in your career, in your life, for something even better and more amazing to come in.
By: Lori Tripoli
